Cold Comfort: Monday, July 15, 2024 – Agatha (2)

Dear Diary,

I tried calling Alyssa, but I got an answering machine. I didn’t even know Loon Lake had an answering machine. There’s usually someone at the desk, especially during normal phone call hours, but I guess I’m not overly surprised. With the news breaking, the police will want to go back and ask more questions, and even Alyssa and Truman will be part of that.

Wait, it’s Monday. Truman’s off on Mondays. They’ll have to wait for him, I guess.

It’s nice having my cell phone back because it means I can make calls without worrying that someone’s listening in. I wrote that meaning Loon Lake, but I guess I also mean Aaron. He’s very sweet, came home and everything, but I insisted he go make his phone calls in the den and do his own thing for at least an hour, because I just needed some time to myself. Which I did, but I also tried calling Alyssa, too.

Diary, I’m going to have to figure out how to negotiate sneaking around behind his back with loving Alyssa. Honestly, I hope it doesn’t take him that long, but I have to be realistic. Aaron either gets over things surprisingly quickly or he dwells on them. Wallows in them.

Dani Jay was something he had to get over. Alyssa might be something that makes him wallow. Neither one can be entirely healthy. He either tries to skip the grief process entirely, at least outwardly, or he gets stuck in one of the first stages until someone comes along with a backhoe and yanks him out.

I don’t know which way it was with Eileen. He knew she was dying, even if he didn’t really admit it to himself. When it comes to dire, undeniable things he can be surprisingly stubborn. If he says something often enough, it simply becomes true, because he wears everyone else down and they stop arguing with him.

You know, diary, it just occurred to me that he must have been pissed as hell at Eileen for dying when he didn’t want her to. She disobeyed him, went against his wishes, and there was nothing he could do to stop her. Nothing anyone could do. He even saw that one coming, but Dani Jay …

I suppose, if nothing else, Loon Lake has helped me be more reflective, which can translate into “empathetic.”

I’ll try not to worry if Alyssa doesn’t call back today, because she’s busy and because she’s got Truman, so she’s not entirely alone, but I don’t think I’ll be able to simply not worry at all. She’s not my daughter, but even though we’re close in age, I’m dating her dad so she’s not entirely my friend, but I worry.

I guess Aaron worries, too, but his looks different. He’s worried because Truman’s there, and I’m worried despite the fact that Truman’s there. Maybe I really do need to try to take a nap.

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Cold Comfort: Monday, July 15, 2024 – Alyssa (2), coming September 8